The Beginning....

I was 30 years old, at the end of my rope, total failure, I had lived every wrong way. I was home alone and I had a tormentor, all I could hear on replay was, "Do everyone a favor and end your life, your kids will be better off without you, the world would be better off with you gone." This was on repeat, it was all I could hear, and I believed it. I believed it so much I went to the garage and began to slit my wrist. As I did this, Jesus showed up. The moment he came, the tormentor was silenced! He ministered to me, he showed me my life in a new way that revealed my sin, not to condemn me or give me guilt or shame, but just so I was able to see the truth. I asked, "Lord, how can I ever change all this to be able to live for you, it's too much?" He comforted me, that it wouldn't all be changed in an instant, but that if I would trust him and follow him he would lead me to freedom." I agreed. I had been attending church, but I was just a pew warmer. This experience changed my life, I started reading my Bible daily, I fell in love with the Word and the author, my rescuer, my hero. The more I read my Bible the more I could see, the more I wanted to do and the more my heart changed. I hate suicide and I have compassion for those who know this suicidal feeling, I also know how convincing the tormentor is, it's only by the grace of God I live today, and because he saved me, my life is his. For to me to live is Christ, to die is gain. Philippians 1:21